My Choice

Choice 1

It is rainy today, dismal really. My students say we should be able to stay in bed on days like these; I tend to agree with them.

My house is in shambles, the floors on the entire main level and staircase taken down to the bare sub-flooring. Construction equipment litters the living and dining areas; in the kitchen, I find dust-covered countertops lined with stuff that once had a space to belong.

I am surrounded by papers to grade, 38 of them by Monday, and stacks of research to wade through, research that somehow needs to be shaped into a conference presentation by next weekend.

It is not dinner time yet, but it is already dark. Winter lurks, and I feel the slowing effects of its cold and dark grip.

Life spins out of control. I spin with it.

* * *

Choice 2

It is rainy today. For the first time all semester, I find a parking space in the faculty row. Shorter walk to class today. Time to grab a cup of coffee on my way.

In my living room lie boxes of glistening Brazilian teak wood, neatly stacked in rows. We have waited over a year for this, for the end to all our sanding and painting and electrical work. It's almost done.

Tonight is "down night" for CJ and I. We'll read or watch a movie or play a game. We'll just be, enjoying each other, pausing for a breath in the midst of these marathon weeks.

It is dark outside, and sometimes I feel the darkness in me. But I have a promise - the darkness is not dark to Him. He is with me.

All of creation spins under His control. I rest in Him.

* * *

The battle inside me rages.